You really coming over, don't trick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
