im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
