I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
