my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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