Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
