so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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