ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
