i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
