he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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