He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
