Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize