Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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