My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
