Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
