So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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