if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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