He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
