The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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