she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
