Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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