OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
