we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
