I wish my penis had an off switch
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
