like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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