I got chris browned last night
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
