you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
