some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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