That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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