I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In America we eat man semen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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