in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
