Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize