neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
