I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
