My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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