People in love make me want to vomit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
