i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
