So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
