just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
