so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
