u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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