My Higher Power is John Stamos
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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