I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
