I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
