i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
