the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
