I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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