were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
