Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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