I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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