He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
