don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
vagina is talking i cant
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
