If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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