Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
