I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
