this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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