the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
