I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
