I got chris browned last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
