these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
