Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
