i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
