I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
