I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize