so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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