Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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