the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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