My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
