i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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