i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize